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Skit: Empty by Bob Snook (Bob's bio) Send this page to a friend Time: Approx. 4 minutes. Actors: 2. Keywords: Salvation, sacrifice, rewards, count the cost (scene: park bench or four chairs side-by-side) LIZ -- (enters carrying Bible, sits, reads) AMY -- (enters opposite backward wearing shabby clothes, carrying grocery bags stuffed with personal belongings, shouts back to exit) Kiss off, you creep. (turns, crosses to bench) The nerve of that guy! Who does he think he is? (sits) LIZ -- (looks to exit) Hey, I know that guy! AMY -- You do? LIZ -- Yes, he's a well known philanthropist. AMY -- A philanthropist? You mean he's a stamp collector too? LIZ -- Not a philatelist! A philanthropist. A philanthropist is a generous person who gives money to worthy causes. AMY -- Yeah, well, you wouldn't think that way about him if you heard how he talked to me. LIZ -- I'm told he's a very nice person. What did he say to you? AMY -- He told me to empty my bags. Of all the nerve! LIZ -- Empty your bags? AMY -- Yes. He told me to throw this stuff away. Can you imagine the nerve of that guy? LIZ -- Why would he tell you to do that? AMY -- He SAID that if I empty my bags, he would fill them with something more valuable. LIZ -- Sounds like a good offer. Why didn't you take him up on his offer? AMY -- This is valuable stuff in here! You think I would carry around junk that I can just throw away?! LIZ -- What kind of things do you have in there, if you don't mind my asking? AMY -- Stuff I found. Collectors items. LIZ -- Like what? AMY -- (moves bags away from Liz) Why do you want to know? LIZ -- Oh, I'm not a collector. I don't collect anything. I was just curious. AMY -- Well, for your information, there's a half dozen comic books that will be very valuable some day. Collector's items. Of course, most of them don't have their covers on them, so they're not in mint condition. But if I hold onto them long enough, I'll have collectors knocking on my door. LIZ -- What else? You have other collectables? AMY -- A couple of Perry Como tapes. LIZ -- Perry Como? AMY -- Yeah, on eight-track tapes. Do you know how rare eight track tapes are these days? LIZ -- Pretty rare. AMY -- That's right. I also have a pair of shoes that used to belong to that pretty blond girl on the morning news show on TV. LIZ -- Local or national? AMY -- Local, of course. She lives right over on Eighth Street between second and third. I seen her throw them in the trash personally. LIZ -- I see. AMY -- Yeah, as soon as that girl becomes a big star, these shoes will be collector's items. LIZ -- Now, let me get this straight. That philanthropist just offered to fill your bags with something really valuable if you will only empty them. But you refused him? AMY -- Hey, I don't know that guy from Adam! Besides, how do I know that he's good for his word? How do I know if what I get is more valuable than what I've already got? LIZ -- I guess it all boils down to whether the man making the promise is good for his word or not, doesn't it? AMY -- Yeah. You say he's a philat... Philan... LIZ -- Philanthropist, yes. That's someone who has a proven track record for generosity. (pauses) Oh, Wow! (closes Bible, stands) AMY -- You going to chase him down? LIZ -- Ah... no. I... (sits) I've been reading about a Philanthropist (raises Bible) with a proven track record for generosity. A philanthropist with a proven track record for generosity asked me to empty my life so he could fill it with true riches. AMY -- What kind of stuff you got? Maybe we can swap some stuff. LIZ -- Oh, the things that fill my life are not like that. They used to look valuable to me, and I suppose some of them WERE valuable in a way. But compared to the riches I could have,... (pauses) AMY -- You okay? LIZ -- Yes. Yes, I'm fine. (stands) For the first time in a long time, I'm just fine. If you'll excuse me, (exiting) I have to go make room in my life for true riches. AMY -- (stands, pulls cell phone from pocket, pushes button) Yeah, hello, Jesus, (exiting) I'm ready for my next assignment.
©2002 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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