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AMY -- (follows carrying strips of linen) Listen, I'm not sure we should be doing this.

LIZ -- I knew you'd try to wiggle out of it.

AMY -- I'm not trying to wiggle out of anything.

LIZ -- You're afraid I'll succeed and you'll lose the wager.

AMY -- That's not it at all. I've done a lot of reading about this and there's no way....

LIZ -- ....You're just afraid that I'll prove the SWOON theory and you'll have to give up going to church.

AMY -- The SWOON theory.

LIZ -- Yes. You Christians have it all wrong. Jesus didn't really die on the cross. He merely fainted. I'm about to show you how Jesus awoke from unconsciousness in the cool air of the tomb and escaped from the tomb.

AMY -- You don't have a clue.

LIZ -- Do we have a wager or not?!

AMY -- Alright. If you can demonstrate that Jesus did not raise from the dead...

LIZ -- ...You'll stop going to church.

AMY -- There would be no reason to go to church. If Jesus didn't raise from the dead, neither will I. Why would I want to go to church and worship a God who lied to me?

LIZ -- Good. Then, let's go. (hops)

AMY -- Wait.

LIZ -- (stops) What?

AMY -- I just want YOU to be aware of YOUR end of the wager.

LIZ -- There's not a chance that I could lose!

AMY -- (crosses arms)

LIZ -- Alright! If I lose, I promise to go to church with you. Now, let's go to the tomb. (hops)

AMY -- Wait.

LIZ -- What now?!

AMY -- A store room is not a tomb.

LIZ -- Oh, now you're getting picky on me.

AMY -- Alright. I'll let you have your way. If you're willing to meet all the other conditions of the burial, I'll pretend that the store room is a tomb when the door is closed and sealed.

LIZ -- Your not going to seal the door to the store room when I'm inside, are you?

AMY -- That's the plan. Afterall, the tomb was sealed.

LIZ -- Wait a minute. If you seal the door, I'll be out of air within a few hours.

AMY -- It shouldn't take you very long to escape.

LIZ -- But, you said Jesus was in the tomb for three days.

AMY -- That's right.

LIZ -- Well, that means HE would have been out of air after a few hours too.

AMY -- It could have been even less than that.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- The eye-witnesses say that people had to bend over to enter the tomb. That means the tomb was probably smaller than this store room.

LIZ -- Listen, maybe you should hang around here until I've made my escape.

AMY -- Why?

LIZ -- Well, what if I can't wiggle out of these wrappings before the air runs out.

AMY -- (resumes) Don't worry. You will have a big advantage over Jesus in the tomb.

LIZ -- (follows hopping) How so?

AMY -- Well, first of all, I'm not going to whip you until your back looks like hamburger or bash you in the head or pull your beard out by the roots or stab you through the heart.

LIZ -- They did that to Jesus?!

AMY -- That's what the eye-witnesses said.

LIZ -- Listen. You're not going to...

AMY -- No! Of course not! And, unlike Jesus, you will have the complete use of your hands and arms.

LIZ -- (stops) You mean Jesus couldn't use his hands or arms?

AMY -- (stops) No.

LIZ -- Why not?

AMY -- The nails through Jesus wrists probably severed the nerves and completely immobilized his hands.

LIZ -- Oooo, gross!

AMY -- That's right. And hanging from the cross the way he did probably cause both of his shoulders to be dislocated.

LIZ -- Dislocated.

AMY -- Yes, crucifixion pulls the ball joint of the arm completely out of the shoulder socket joint.

LIZ -- Gross! Well, I definitely want this demonstration to be authentic. I'll open the door with my feet.

AMY -- Actually, Jesus didn't have the use of his feet either.

LIZ -- Why not?

AMY -- Well, the nail through his ankles probably severed the nerves to his feet. They were probably paralyzed too.

LIZ -- Well, then, I'll just lean against the door to open it.

AMY -- Assuming that you can stand up on broken ankles.

LIZ -- Picky, picky!

AMY -- I don't think a thousand-pound boulder is being picky.

LIZ -- A thousand pounds?

AMY -- Then, of course, once Jesus rolled away the boulder, there were the armed guards.

LIZ -- Armed guards?!

AMY -- According to the eye witness accounts, Governor Pilate assigned several Roman soldiers to stand guard outside of the tomb. Once Jesus rolled away the boulder, He had to get by the armed guards. I suppose, in order to be authentic, I should have my dog guard the door.

LIZ -- Your Doberman Pincher?

AMY -- You want this to be a comparable demonstration, don't you?

LIZ -- Well, yes, but, your dog doesn't like me.

AMY -- It should be easier to get by one dog than a dozen guards with swords and spears, don't you think?

LIZ -- I don't know. Your dog always looks at me like I'm his next meal.

AMY -- I think my dog is the least of your worries.

LIZ -- What could be worse than being eaten by a dog?

AMY -- (resumes) I think you'll have a difficult time with your head wrappings.

LIZ -- (hops) What head wrappings? You mean you're going to wrap my head too?

AMY -- Yes, the Bible says that Jesus' entire body was wrapped with linens and the linens were soaked in aloes and spices.

LIZ -- (stops) You mean your even going to cover my mouth?

AMY -- Well, sure.

LIZ -- But if you soak the wrappings over my mouth, I won't be able to breathe!

AMY -- I figure you'll have about three minutes before you lose consciousness. (exiting)

LIZ -- (turns exits opposite, hopping) Oh, well, in that case...

AMY -- (turns, follows) Where are you going?

LIZ -- I'm getting dressed for church.

©2002 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.fea.net/bobsnook mailto:bobsnook@fea.net?subject=swoon.htm

About Bob Snook: I'm Bob Snook. I'm 57 y/o, married, two adult children. My home church is Saddleback Church, America's second largest protestant church and the largest baptist church. I did almost nothing with my writing talent until I became a Christian 15 years ago. (short testimony) For the last six years I have worked as a security guard on the graveyard shift. This allows me to write Christian scripts and web pages 7 1/2 hours per day and get paid for it. That's why my scripts are free. (send no money) If you want to know more, you'll have to ask my shrink.

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